Girl Talk: What Not to Do

I believe we have all experienced at least one relationship that turned out to be unsafe – regardless of who made it unsafe (you or the friend). With that in mind, we probably all have learned a little about what not to do. Here are a few ‘what not to do’ strategies outlined by Cloud and Townsend in Girl Talk, along with a little of my own insight:

Poor Strategy #1: Doing the same old thing
Women are known to repeat patterns in relationships. Here’s one pattern: a girl with a controlling dad, dated controlling boys, went on to marry a controlling man, etc. Even when certain types of relationships are toxic to us, we somehow still gravitate toward them. We are likely to end up in the same place again and again unless we do something different. We should take a look at our failed relationships and ask ourselves, “Why?"

We should learn from our mistakes. Take a look at your history and ask yourself:

Are my friendship problems similar (control, guilt, gossip, etc.)?

Do my family and friends see a pattern?

What would God have taught you about your past choices if you had listened to Him?

Check out Proverbs 2:1-8 in your Bible. These verses tell us that it is our responsibility to get wisdom (knowledge of God). We are to turn our ear toward wisdom, apply our heart to understand it, and call out to the Lord for it. Check out the amazing benefits that come with it: the Lord gives wisdom, knowledge & understanding. He holds our victory, He is our shield, and He guards our course and protects our way.

WOW! Is all I can say.

Poor Strategy #2: Doing the opposite
I equate this strategy to being a knee-jerk reaction; when something goes wrong and we make an extreme move in the other direction. Ever been there? If you have then you probably know that it usually doesn’t solve anything – it just changes the scenery a little. There is almost always a different kind of problem waiting on the other end.

Proverbs 12:26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship …

There is much wisdom is being cautious. Let me give you a picture of what cautious might look like: You could take a survey of your relationships, identify what traits have wounded you, and use that to evaluate your current friendships as well as future ones.

Poor Strategy #3: Doing too much
Sometimes in our quest to find friends we think all we need to do is join a group, be part of a team or serve on an organization – and friends will come. Many times the problem with this scenario is that we become involved in a task or activity that is the priority – not building friendships. In these groups we can be surrounded with people who know our names, but do they know our hearts?

Read Ecclesiastes 4:7-10

It tells a story of a man who worked and toiled to no end, but he was miserable because he had no one to share it with – he was all alone because he never stopped working long enough to connect with anyone else.

Have you given up deep friendships for superficial activities that leave you lonely?

Poor Strategy #4: Doing nothing
If you are this person, even though you long for meaningful friendships, you are reluctant to do anything to make it happen. Maybe it’s because you are shy, have been scared or you just think no one wants to be friends with you. Whatever the case, you have got to do your part – and sometimes that means taking risks.

Proverbs 11:24-25 One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

Poor Strategy #5: Doing without
This is definitely Satan’s plan for you – ISOLATION! This is where hope is lost and lies are believed: You’re too damaged to have relationships, You aren’t spiritual enough, You can’t get it right …

And this is where Jesus is so real. He brings the promise of hope by adding wisdom to friendships. He offers us godly, safe women who will love us unconditionally. All we have to do is call out to Him – turn our ears to wisdom and hearts to understanding. Read Proverbs 2:1-8 again, this time as a prayer to God. Allow Him to help you move forward to the beginning of beautiful friendships.