Girl Talk: Permission to Speak Honestly

Yesterday was all about gut-level communication in friendships, and today we will continue on that thread. When you have a friendship on that level of communication, your emotions come out into the open. For most of us, we think being that honest will bring tension into our relationships. Especially if we have a friend that is doing something that hurts us, and we are worried about what might happen if she found out how we really feel. We begin to cover up our true feelings, and by doing so we, “make a calculated decision not to speak openly because we attach a higher value on keeping the peace than on authenticity.” (Jen Hatmaker, Girl Talk)

The danger with just keeping the peace is that it is Satan’s secret for us. He knows that by not acknowledging the problem we don’t remain neutral at all. We begin to resent the hurtful actions or keep score as to how often it happens. All the while launching as assault on unity and ruing the relationship with our negative feelings.

Hmmm. That’s pretty intense to think about. Do you have a friend who is unaware of your inner struggle with her? Is there an attitude or habit that is driving a wedge between you and your friend?

Did you answer ‘yes’ to either of those questions? If so, what worries you about speaking the truth to your friend? Is your relationship working well under those conditions? Is your silence worth your heartache? And are you really doing your friend any favors by ignoring the problem? Is it helping her to grow?

It may be hard to imagine, but it is possible to speak truthfully and maintain love in friendships. Remember, Jesus came to us full of truth and grace. You can also offer grace while sharing a hard truth with a friend. And when you do, that opens the door for God to work on your behalf. Not only can God preserve your friendship, but He can use it to mature both of you and use you for His kingdom.

God did this very thing with Peter & Paul. They were very close friends who were at odds with each other over the Jews and their law (circumcision) versus the Gentiles and salvation. Not only were they in danger of allowing this to become a wedge between them, but the issue also threatened to split the early church. They eventually met with a council and discussed the honest issues, and through it the issues were resolved and their relationship was strengthened. God used it as a time of maturing them individually, and He fortified their friendship in the process.

Read about it for yourself:

Galatians 2:7-10 Peter & Paul – Brothers in Christ

Galatians 2:11-16 Circumcision vs. Salvation

Acts 16:6-12 God uses the honest conversation to for His purposes: to stretch them and preserve their friendship.

Girls, God can do the same in your relationships. Ask Him for wisdom, discernment, and kindness, and He will give you His favor.