Girl Talk: Safe People

I must admit, I am really enjoying this part – identifying safe people. After all, that really is what we all long for, isn’t it? To have a close friend that you can totally be yourself with, you can confide in her with your most private feelings, and you know it’s all gonna be okay. You know that what ‘happens here, stays here’ and the only time she will repeat your ‘stuff’ is when she is praying for you. “I’ll take 2 please!”

Although it may be hard to believe, there really are ‘safe’ friends out there. Sometimes it may take a little searching to find one, but it is possible to find a girlfriend who is compassionate, non-judgmental, and safe.

As we take another peek at Girl Talk by Jen Hatmaker, she has this to say:
“There is a safety that exists only among believers. Not that non-Christians can’t be good, even wonderful friends, but only believers can extend the grace they’ve experienced. A friend who belongs to Christ cares about you spiritually, and that alone will last. When you have to mask your faith, or lessen its value, you are on dangerous ground.”

“What happens when you tell an unbelieving friend about the sacrifice God is calling you to? The ministry He’s putting on your heart? … There is no safety there because that perspective is foolishness to those who don’t believe.”

None of us are perfect, but we must lock arms with girlfriends who can understand our faith and spur us on in the things of God. Christian Authors and Psychologists Cloud and Townsend define safe people as those who do three things – let’s check it out:

Trait #1: Safe people draw you closer to others
We can count on these friends to influence us by their example. They will challenge us to serve people better, have greater compassion, and to not be part of gossip. We need girlfriends who will nurture our bonds with others.

A safe friend:
*Makes you better in other relationships
*Counsels you toward forgiveness and reconciliation
*Resists gossip
*Loves other people well; not constantly at odds with others
*Is confrontable and not defensive
*Doesn’t make you feel judged around her
*Is not threatened by your other relationships
*Is willing to say “I’m sorry” if necessary
*Doesn’t gripe about others constantly

Do you or your friends bring people together – or reinforce their separateness?

Trait #2: Safe people help you become the woman God created you to be
This friend moves you closer to your purpose. She lovingly encourages you and doesn’t except your excuses as to why you can’t do something God has called you to do. She is committed to your purpose – maybe even before you are at times!

A safe friend:
*Inspires you toward good works
*Helps you become the woman God sees in you
*Lovingly confronts your issues – sin, fear, pride, whatever
*Helps you to be a better person just by knowing her
*Is a growing believer
*Encourages your development, but loves you no matter what
*Is not threatened by your success
*Is not disgusted by your failings
*Is honest about her own shortcomings; there is no pride

Do you help your friends mature, or do you stunt their growth with negativity? What direction would they go if you were their only influence?

Trait #3: Safe people draw you closer to God
This is a little different than helping us develop as we just talked about because some friends do push us to do good things, but not necessarily toward Christ. The safe friend will care about your relationship with God before any other area of your life.

Our closest friends, our inner circle, must be women who are sold-out for God. They will be the ones who ask the important questions like: What are you learning? What is God doing in your life? They will nurture your relationship with Christ by the passionate way they live in front of you. As Jen says, “They are wrinkles of godliness”.

A safe friend:
*Consistently helps you to become more like Christ
*Shows you who He is through her
*Influences you to spend time in the Word and in prayer
*Asks what you are learning
*Talks about what she is learning
*Loves God – no mistaking it
*Influences you to pray in new ways, just by being around her
*Lovingly confronts your sin, and you don’t feel judged
*Is forgiving
*Creates a hunger for God in you
*Doesn’t make you feel inferior around her

In your life, who has pushed you toward Jesus? How would your friends describe your relationship with God?

Safe friends are real girls who aren’t perfect – they have their own issues to deal with. Sometimes safe friends will make mistakes and may even let you down occasionally; they are just people. But in the end, their friendship helps you to be real, and they laugh with you all the way to godliness. I love the way Jen puts it, “They allow you to be on the outside, who you are on the inside, and that’s a gift. I beg you to receive it.”

If you already have safe friends, thank God for them. If you need safe friends, pray for them and ask God to help you. Then be expectant!