Since I had agreed on the green light, it was full speed ahead, searching for any opportunity to hone my skills, looking for ways to help me grow in that area. After all, it was God’s idea – and I had to do my part, right? I began to get excited about this new desire God was building in me, and so I did what any good Christian girl would do … I began searching the internet for a conference! Well, I know it’s hard to believe with all the Ga-Zillion searches on the internet, but I couldn’t find ONE conference that I felt was for me! Not one! God, WHAT am I going to do now? As I sat in the silence I began to doubt what God had whispered in my heart, and I once again turned on the red light.
Months passed by as the excitement hid in the back of my heart and became a thing of yesterday. Consumed with just doing life, it was easy to move on and forget, at least for a while. Then one by one, God started bringing those whispers of yesterday back to the forefront of my mind, and tiny embers of hope sparked again. Knowing me better than I know myself, God wrote it plainly on the wall for me this time. ‘Cause I needed it. He is so creative and merciful, that I just have to marvel at Him. He sent ladies to me, one at a time, who spoke His words and plans to me. Ladies who didn’t know what God had whispered to me before. Ladies who encouraged me and believed in me and my ability to obey God no matter what. He gave them the green light, and they obeyed and shared it with me. When I didn’t have eyes to see it, or ears to hear it because my own doubts had been screaming so loud, God made His voice louder than any other. It was all I needed to go on with a constant green light – no more stopping for me.
Soon after that I began really pressing in to find out what this ‘plan’ looked like from God’s perspective, and what I should do on my part. God began to work on the inside of me first – which by the way – didn’t include internet searches! He showed me things in my character that needed refining, taught me the importance of prayer and intercession and encouraged me all along the way. Of course, there were the times I just thought I was crazy for going along with this because it’s such a huge responsibility. Can you imagine, being responsible and accountable for EVERY word that comes out of your mouth? And God, being the awesome Parent that He is, reassured me that I have to do that now anyway. I will just have more people to do it with! Thanks God – I needed that!
After I finished boot camp for character and prayer, God finally let me play on the internet again. There I was searching endlessly for, you guessed it, conferences! Once again I was left feeling like I would never find what I needed to help me. Then one day I visited Proverbs 31 Ministries and discovered She Speaks! Finally, a Christian ministry that equips women to Write, Speak, and Lead where God has called them. And they have a conference too! I was thrilled to say the least! I’m thinking, ‘Okay, where do I sign up? I’m ready. My light is so green right now, that bulb probably needs maintenance. My heart was racing as I rushed to the conference page, only to find out that I just couldn’t afford to go. Not with money, not with time. You see, I was homeschooling my 2 kids, volunteering about 30 hours a week, and my husband and I were in ministry school. There was just no way. Hey, wait a minute! What happened to my green light? A red light - where did that come from?
After having gotten that ‘nudge’ or that green light so clearly, I was moving right along, so I was pretty confused when suddenly the red shone through. Often when things start looking a little different or we begin to experience obstacles, we question ourselves: Wasn’t I on the right track, going in the right direction? Didn’t I do everything He had directed me to do? What went wrong? It’s good to examine ourselves for obedience and motives, but when we need to know the next step, shouldn’t we be asking God? He has the plan. He’s got the map. He knows every turn, every obstacle, and every red light. Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” You see, God prepared this in advance. He already knows what is around the bend and He is not surprised. And He will share that vision with you if you just ask as James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
2 comments:
I have found myself playing the game of red light green light a time or two myself. Okay, that wasn't enitrely true. The truth is I probably play that game on a regular basis. I have a tendaency to second guess some things when situations don't quite turn out how I feel they should.
Often times, I think we (as Christians) convince ourselves that once we recieve a word or promise from God that things will run as smooth as butter. Obviously, that is not the case. Destiny and purpose will always have some risk and challenge to go along with the reward.
I absolutely agree that we must do some self-evaluating along the way just to make sure that everything we are embarking on checks out with God's plan for our lives.
For me, the key thing to do is learn during the times I experience the "red light". I have to remind myself that there is a season for everything and that delay, often times, doesn't mean denial.
Just came by to say Hi and say see ya @ She Speaks! Safe Travels!
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